Meet Lawrence & Holloman. Lawrence is an ever-optimistic suit salesman for whom everything always goes right. That is until he meets Holloman, a cynical and suicidal credit collector, and everything starts to go wrong. Very wrong. Is happiness determined by our outlook on life? Or can our destiny be changed … by another.
Lawrence is a suit salesman who has recently won Salesman of the Month – two months in a row! Find out more on Lawrence’s blog.
Holloman is a cynical and suicidal accounting clerk. He hates writing bios. Find out more on Holloman’s blog.
20 Questions with Lawrence & Holloman
[dropcap]1[/dropcap]Your first job.
Lawrence: Shovelling shit at a rodeo. If was pretty great. I got to be very close to the animals. Very very close. one day I was kicked in the chest by a horse and nearly died. The upside though, was that I got to eat a lot of candy while in the hospital! How lucky is THAT?!
Holloman: Credit collector. I’ve always been a credit collector.
[dropcap]2[/dropcap] The job you always wanted as a child.
Lawrence: Childhoood dream: International spy.
Holloman: I didn’t want to work.
[dropcap]3[/dropcap] Your pet peeve.
Lawrence: My pet peeve is getting a passport photo taken. Did you know they won’t even let you smile? I scotch taped a smiley pic on mine last time I crossed the border. So … I’m not allowed to do that anymore. But I totally got lucky cause the customs fellow had very small hands.
Holloman: When people mispronounce words. When people are ill-educated, ignorant, and perfectly content with being so. That really irks me.
[dropcap]4[/dropcap] Your hero.
Lawrence: My hero is my Dad! I never met him, but he was a fighter pilot. And after that a fought forest fires and for a time, taught orphans to read. Oh and I think he was a cowboy too sometimes.
Holloman: I tend to think deep down most people are pretending at life, so true heroes don’t exist. There’s always an ulterior motive.
[dropcap]5[/dropcap] Your biggest indulgence.
Lawrence: My biggest indulgence? Sometimes I go to yoga classes and find a spot way in the back and then I don’t do any yoga, I just look at the chick’s butts!
Holloman: I suppose you mean watching late-night infomercials? Or reading the obituaries every day? But those aren’t really indulgences, they are fiery curiousity in the morbid and ridiculous nature of existence.
[dropcap]6[/dropcap] One thing no one knows about you (and you’re willing to share).
Lawrence: Iay earway adieslay onchgay.
Holloman: I love my Mother.
[dropcap]7[/dropcap] Three things you would want with you on a deserted island.
Lawrence: Three things I’d want on a desert island? A blonde, a brunette and a redhead!
Holloman: A fan, sunblock, and a large hat. (I assume I’d be wearing my suit?)
[dropcap]8[/dropcap] The one word your best friend would use to describe you.
Lawrence: One word my bestie would use to describe me? Top Notch!
Holloman: Well, the closest thing I’ve had to a best friend is Lawrence, and he calls me: Peculiar.
[dropcap]9[/dropcap] If you were not a performer what would you be doing right now?
Lawrence: I’ve never had trouble performing. Who told you that?Holloman: I don’t know where you get the idea that I’m a performer; I haven’t reached quota at work in over 5 years. I think they’ve forgotten I work there.
[dropcap]10[/dropcap] Hero or villain.
Lawrence: Villain in Manillan!
Holloman: Neither exists.
[dropcap]11[/dropcap] Your life’s motto/mantra.
Lawrence: My motto is: Don’t emphasize with LOSERS!!
Holloman: Life is pointless. Isn’t it?
[dropcap]12[/dropcap] Your favourite playwright or author.
Lawrence: Dale Carnegie Hall.
Holloman: I like to read, but I don’t like the authors themselves. I find them egotistical to put pen to paper and show it to people.
[dropcap]13[/dropcap] The last book you read.
Holloman: How to Make Friends and Impress People. I found it humorous.
[dropcap]14[/dropcap] If you were a cartoon character which cartoon character would you be?
Lawrence: If I was a cartoon I’d be Bill Cosby.
Holloman: Wile E Coyote.
[dropcap]15[/dropcap] What will it say on your grave marker?
Lawrence: My grave marker will say … ‘You’re time is to short not to have fun, bitches!’
Holloman: Some kids will have spray-painted over it, so it will be illegible.
[dropcap]16[/dropcap] Who would you most like to have dinner with?
Lawrence: I’d most like to have dinner with the president of Canada.
[dropcap]17[/dropcap] Your idea of happiness.
Lawrence: My idea of happiness? Helping others to achieve their true and ingrained, natural abilities to … What was the question?
Holloman: Having my head explode so I can’t think anymore.
[dropcap]18[/dropcap] If you could go back in time, what would you tell your twenty year old self?
Lawrence: If I could I’d go back and tell my 20 year old self That it’s not the journey, it’s the destination.
Holloman: Do it. Drive the car over the cliff. Don’t chicken out.
[dropcap]19[/dropcap] The one thing in your life that makes you most proud.
Lawrence: The one thing in life that makes me the most proud is my gum tree! It’s fucking HUGE! Seriously.
Holloman: The fact that you would even ask me this question.
[dropcap]20[/dropcap] To be or not to be?
Lawrence: Algebra was never my strong suit.
Holloman: That is the question …