Meet Lawrence & Holloman. Lawrence is an ever-optimistic suit salesman for whom everything always goes right. That is until he meets Holloman, a cynical and suicidal credit collector, and everything starts to go wrong. Very wrong. Is happiness determined by our outlook on life? Or can our destiny be changed … by another.
Lawrence is a suit salesman who has recently won Salesman of the Month – two months in a row! Find out more on Lawrence’s blog.
Holloman is a cynical and suicidal accounting clerk. He hates writing bios. Find out more on Holloman’s blog.
20 Questions with Lawrence & Holloman
1. Your first job.
Lawrence: Shovelling shit at a rodeo. If was pretty great. I got to be very close to the animals. Very very close. one day I was kicked in the chest by a horse and nearly died. The upside though, was that I got to eat a lot of candy while in the hospital! How lucky is THAT?!
Holloman: Credit collector. I’ve always been a credit collector.
2. The job you always wanted as a child.
Lawrence: Childhoood dream: International spy.
Holloman: I didn’t want to work.
3. Your pet peeve.
Lawrence: My pet peeve is getting a passport photo taken. Did you know they won’t even let you smile? I scotch taped a smiley pic on mine last time I crossed the border. So … I’m not allowed to do that anymore. But I totally got lucky cause the customs fellow had very small hands.
Holloman: When people mispronounce words. When people are ill-educated, ignorant, and perfectly content with being so. That really irks me.
4. Your hero.
Lawrence: My hero is my Dad! I never met him, but he was a fighter pilot. And after that a fought forest fires and for a time, taught orphans to read. Oh and I think he was a cowboy too sometimes.
Holloman: I tend to think deep down most people are pretending at life, so true heroes don’t exist. There’s always an ulterior motive.
5. Your biggest indulgence.
Lawrence: My biggest indulgence? Sometimes I go to yoga classes and find a spot way in the back and then I don’t do any yoga, I just look at the chick’s butts!
Holloman: I suppose you mean watching late-night infomercials? Or reading the obituaries every day? But those aren’t really indulgences, they are fiery curiousity in the morbid and ridiculous nature of existence.
6. One thing no one knows about you (and you’re willing to share).
Lawrence: Iay earway adieslay onchgay.
Holloman: I love my Mother.
7. Three things you would want with you on a deserted island.
Lawrence: Three things I’d want on a desert island? A blonde, a brunette and a redhead!
Holloman: A fan, sunblock, and a large hat. (I assume I’d be wearing my suit?)
8. The one word your best friend would use to describe you.
Lawrence: One word my bestie would use to describe me? Top Notch!
Holloman: Well, the closest thing I’ve had to a best friend is Lawrence, and he calls me: Peculiar.
9. If you were not a performer what would you be doing right now?
Lawrence: I’ve never had trouble performing. Who told you that?Holloman: I don’t know where you get the idea that I’m a performer; I haven’t reached quota at work in over 5 years. I think they’ve forgotten I work there.
10. Hero or villain.
Lawrence: Villain in Manillan!
Holloman: Neither exists.
11. Your life’s motto/mantra.
Lawrence: My motto is: Don’t emphasize with LOSERS!!
Holloman: Life is pointless. Isn’t it?
12. Your favourite playwright or author.
Lawrence: Dale Carnegie Hall.
Holloman: I like to read, but I don’t like the authors themselves. I find them egotistical to put pen to paper and show it to people.
13. The last book you read.
Holloman: How to Make Friends and Impress People. I found it humorous.
14. If you were a cartoon character which cartoon character would you be?
Lawrence: If I was a cartoon I’d be Bill Cosby.
Holloman: Wile E Coyote.
15. What will it say on your grave marker?
Lawrence: My grave marker will say … ‘You’re time is to short not to have fun, bitches!’
Holloman: Some kids will have spray-painted over it, so it will be illegible.
16. Who would you most like to have dinner with?
Lawrence: I’d most like to have dinner with the president of Canada.
17. Your idea of happiness.
Lawrence: My idea of happiness? Helping others to achieve their true and ingrained, natural abilities to … What was the question?
Holloman: Having my head explode so I can’t think anymore.
18. If you could go back in time, what would you tell your twenty year old self?
Lawrence: If I could I’d go back and tell my 20 year old self That it’s not the journey, it’s the destination.
Holloman: Do it. Drive the car over the cliff. Don’t chicken out.
19. The one thing in your life that makes you most proud.
Lawrence: The one thing in life that makes me the most proud is my gum tree! It’s fucking HUGE! Seriously.
Holloman: The fact that you would even ask me this question.
20. To be or not to be?
Lawrence: Algebra was never my strong suit.
Holloman: That is the question …